West Coast Hash House Harriers

Hash Cash - Padlock

10/07/07

Subs for 07/08 are now due, same rates as before - $280 for the full year, or $80 per quarter. If paying by EFT, our BSB is 086 461 and Account No is 550208623 - put your Hash name in the description.

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Fourth Place : A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221." Third Place : One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" Runner Up: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion! ! ! on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill ?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill , you didn't" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill , what happened?" "I got fired." " No , Bill . I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too." Winner: A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? He replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken."

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest and tripped over the snake and fell down. Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth and can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am". That's ok," replied the snake. "Actually, I too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and figure out what you are so you'll know." "That would be wonderful, replied the bunny". So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." "Oh, thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be a team leader, a supervisor or possibly someone in senior management. "

Aussie Job Ads A bloke goes into the Job Centre in Brisbane and sees a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested he goes in to learn more. 'Can you give me some more details about this?' he asks the man behind the desk. The Job Centre assistant sorts through his files and replies - ' Oh yes here it is. OK the job entails you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and wash their nether regions. Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist’s examination. There's an annual salary of $85,000 but you're going to have to go to Darwin.' 'Oh why, is that where the job's at?' 'No - that's the end of the queue.'

I bought a teddy bear from Big W on Saturday afternoon for the princely sum of $10. I named him Mohammed. Today I sold him on E-Bay for $30. My question is, have I made a prophet?

EMOTION PARTY A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come as different emotions e.g. Fear etc. On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, 'Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?' The guy says, 'I'm green with NV'. The host replies, 'Brilliant come on in and have a drink.' A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts. He says to this woman, 'Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?' She replies, 'I'm tickled pink.' The host says, 'I love it, come on in and join the party.' A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and Mick, standing stark naked, one with his willy in bowl of custard and the other with his willy stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, 'What the hell are you both doing? You could get arrested standing like that out there in the street. Anyhow what emotion is this supposed to be?' Paddy replies, 'Welllll, Oim fokn discustard, and Mick here has just come in despair.'